When You Learn, Teach. When You Get, Give.

It all started in 2014 when I was approached by my  theater teacher about directing Evan Placey’s Girls Like That, a play that explores the pressures on young girls in the wake of our ever-changing society and our fast paced, technology driven world. As a new assistant principal and activities director at a relatively conservative, large high school outside of Denver, Colorado I was terrified to say yes to her request. The first five lines of the play are:

Girl 1:  Slut

2:  Skank

3:  Whore

4:  Ho

5:  Tramp

It didn’t get any prettier from there…But by the time I finished reading the script, I knew what I had to do. I had to convince my principal to let her direct the play, and I decided to host a female empowerment conference for high school girls at my school to coincide with the play’s opening. Those two decisions, which at the time felt pretty risky, have shaped not only my professional path but my personal mission in life as well.

Working with teenagers, especially teenage girls, has always been the most rewarding part of my job as an educator. I have witnessed some of the most beautiful transformations of young women over the years as they gain confidence, grow into their own skin, and are able to speak their truth. I have seen first hand the devastating heartbreak that girls inflict on each other through their unkind words, actions, and judgement of one another. I also know that this doesn’t end once high school is over. Unfortunately, we live in a society where it is all too easy to belittle one another behind the mask of a computer screen and often times that cruelty spills over into the real world. Again, I have learned that this doesn’t go away after high school. I have said far too many times in my career as an educator, “Wow, I work at a high school. Why does it feel like I am still in high school?” 

Asking that question over and over again finally became too much for me, so I decided to do something about it. After hosting my first female empowerment conference in 2014, Shine Summit was born. This year we are hosting our fourth annual summit and have grown from 200 attendees to 800 high school and middle school aged girls attending. I am not stopping there though.  

Shine Girl, which has been in the works for a few years now has finally come to fruition. Along with a powerful group of women, we hope to share our message with millions of girls all over the world.  I truly believe that when females work together to champion one another, we all rise. Not just women, but men as well. It is imperative to our world that we are teaching this message to young girls. Maya Angelo says “When you learn, teach. When you get, give.” As an educator, women’s activist, and eternal optimist, I have learned so much over the last four years since Shine Summit began and it is now time to start teaching. Shine Girl has many exciting things on the horizon and we can’t wait to start giving back. We have been given so much and we want the next generation of girls to have the opportunities to do the same, and so much more. 

Why Can't You See What I See?

I recently spent time with a girlfriend that I have known for all of my adult life. She is one of the most honest, loyal, compassionate, hardworking, and successful women that I know. She too, believes that one of the most powerful things successful women can do is encourage other females to find their voice, their courage, their confidence. Because of this shared belief, we talk often about our hopes and dreams for the future of not just our daughters, but of the next generation of females.

During one of our recent heart to hearts, she shared with me that she can’t seem to shake this belief that she really isn’t who everyone thinks she. She told me she is just waiting for everyone to figure out that she is a fraud and that she doesn’t deserve this incredible career, relationship, and family that she has worked so hard to create. I will say it again, that she worked so hard to create.  I listened to her doubt her talent, her body, her brain, and her ability to be what everyone expects her to be and the whole time I was thinking to myself “why can’t you see what I see? What everyone around you sees?”

 My girlfriend has so many incredible traits that have shaped her into an amazing friend, wife, mother, daughter, and someone who is making a tremendous difference in the lives of so many others, especially of other girls and women around her. I have watched her daughter grown up into this kind, strong, confident young woman. I have seen firsthand the life changing impact she has made on countless young women she has been surrounded with. Yet, she still doubts herself. She still doesn’t think that she deserves the success she has worked so hard to earn. I want her to know that she is wrong. She deserves everything she has and more. Nothing was handed to her, she worked tirelessly to get where she is today.

How do we as females help champion other women to see themselves the way that we see them? What do we need to stop saying to ourselves over and over again? What can we say to the girls and women in our lives to help encourage and build them up? Listen, society today puts enough pressure on females to be perfect. Smart, pretty, thin, outspoken but not too opinionated, brave but not too audacious, the list goes on and on… I wish I knew exactly what to say to my friend to help her see herself the way that others see her. She is strong, smart, beautiful, and one of the bravest women I know. I want her to know that she is enough. I want her to see that in herself. I want her to feel that confidence that she helped instill in me.

If you are doubting something about yourself today, I want you to look in the mirror and tell yourself YOU ARE ENOUGH. Say it again, YOU ARE ENOUGH. If you know someone who is struggling to see themselves the way that you see them, take a few minutes to send them a text, give them a call, or if you are lucky enough to see them in person, give them a huge hug and tell them that not only are they enough, they are INCREDIBLE. Don’t wait for another opportunity to celebrate all of the way your girlfriends SHINE!